Postpartum, or the period shortly after childbirth, is a highly vulnerable and dynamic time. Anticipation of your baby’s arrival has suddenly become your reality. You are on call every moment, day and night. You are learning a foreign language - your baby’s cries, groans, and gestures. You are performing the critical tasks of feeding, diapering, swaddling and soothing with little (if any) previous experience, among an audience of friends, family and health care providers. And all with inadequate rest and food!
Your body is in recovery from one or more major medical procedures, and possibly surgery. Your hormones are all over the map. Free falling estrogen and progesterone levels leave you feeling teary, irritable, anxious and exhausted. And this is supposed to be the happiest time of your life? Of course there are moments of intense joy and gratitude, but the reality of caring for a newborn makes “happiest time” hard to deliver.
Your partner may be feeling overwhelmed too – worried about you and the baby, unsure how to help, struggling to keep up with work, the house or the flurry of calls and visits, missing you and wondering when life will get back to “normal.”
Here are five tips to find your way through the postpartum period:
Keep it simple
Give yourself a break by eliminating any task, commitment or thought that is not absolutely necessary. This is a time when “less is more.” Let food and sleep be your number one priority. Things like phone calls, emails, errands, house cleaning and chores can wait. Feeding and resting are your only priority. Be as home bound as possible for at least the first month and preferably the next two or three. This is your time to nest as a mom and family.
Practice receiving
Let “Yes, you can help!” become your new mantra. It may feel uncomfortable at first, particularly if you are accustomed to being self-sufficient and independent. But, receiving help is essential. We are not meant to care for babies in isolation. And, you are giving a gift by letting others help. With practice this will feel more natural, especially as you experience the relief of having someone else comfort your crying baby or taste the delicious food you did not have to cook.
Sleep when the baby sleeps
Though it may be tempting to clean the house, return calls or get some work done while your baby sleeps, remember this is a long distance marathon. It is important to stay fortified and sleep is the most important ingredient. If you have trouble falling asleep, relax on the couch and read, or simply daydream about a beach vacation. Use the time to be completely unproductive. Your productivity will be requested again soon enough!
Work as a team
Regularly take time each day to check-in with your partner. Talk about ways to share in the care. If you are using a bottle, take turns feeding the baby during the day and at night. If you are breast feeding, your partner can soothe and diaper. Switch roles during the fussy hour around dinner time. Discuss the schedule - what is working, what is not, as well as new ideas to more easily meet your baby’s changing needs. For some invaluable tips on soothing your baby spend just 30 minutes watching Harvey Karp’s DVD, The Happiest Baby On The Block. It will be time very well spent!
And try to spend at least a few moments each day enjoying some physical affection with your partner. Though your baby’s cries are highly compelling, the couple relationship yearns for loving care as well.
Seek professional help if needed
If you are feeling sad, depleted, teary, anxious or irritable, you are in good company. The “baby blues” affects 50-80% of new mothers and can last from 72 hours to 21 days. This is a completely normal reaction to this huge emotional and physical transition.
If these symptoms persist beyond 21 days, intensify, or interfere with caring for your baby or going about your daily life, this may be more than a case of the “blues.” This is an important time to seek help and support. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.
*********************************************************************
Robin Goldstein-Lincoln, MA, LPC is a licensed psychotherapist and parenting consultant in Boulder, Colorado. She helps parents of toddlers through teens find mindful and compassionate solutions to the challenges of parenthood through private counseling and consultation, as well as Inspiring Connections parenting workshops. Contact Robin by phone (303-818-7086) or e-mail (robinglincoln@msn.com) to learn more about her services or schedule an initial consultation.
