My Personal Grief Journey

As I observed the on going challenges that my partner experienced related to a long concussion history, and our daughter experienced related to Type 1 Diabetes, I found myself mired in pain and suffering.

I would have “good” moments - times in which I was so engaged in my work or some activity that I would forget my grief. Soon enough, though, something would remind me of the losses we were navigating. Grief felt relentless.

Around this chapter of my life, I had the honor of working with several clients who had experienced intense and sudden losses. With a longing to gain further skill and comfort with the grieving process, I began a Grief Educator Certification program with David Kessler.

Throughout the training I was surprised by the waves of relief, acceptance, compassion, presence, patience and peace I felt - in the teachings, the community, and my own personal integration.

Grief exploration became a space I could more gently visit my own sadness, longing, regret and struggle. Gradually, and sometimes in fits and starts, my suffering began to soften.

I became more skillful at steering away from causation and blame:

“Why was this happening?”

And turning towards whispers of hope:

“What could I make of this now?”

David Kessler’s words became a new North Star:

“Your loss is not a test, a lesson, a gift, or a blessing …

I cannot take your pain away.

It is not my place to do that.

Your pain is yours.

It’s part of the love you feel.

What I can do, however, is remind you that if you look for meaning,

your pain will change,

your suffering will lessen.”

This concept helped me bear deeper witness to pain in ways that felt more authentic, compassionate, and kind. I began to see how my pain could morph into something tolerable, tender, and transformative.